• Belle Hahn

Silence is the Sound...

Photo by Annette Wahl, Makeup by Lisa Bassler and Hair by Xavier Scordo: 1 year ago Colette and me in Dolce Gabbana in our Beloved Lotusland

I used to be a very quiet child.

Allowing the Universe to come through me in songs that came through me, words that downloaded, and by Listening to Nature.

In fact at age 3, I wrote a poem, "Silence is the Sound of Peace"...

I reflected a lot about life then, with great introspection, which I still do, but I was much quieter.

The poem said it all

"Silence is the Sound of Peace"

"Listen to the birds singing

Listen to the children laughing

Listen: Silence is the Sound of Peace." Isabelle Hahn Age 3

It was very simple and quite profound for a three year old. These days I am choosing to listen to the wisdom of the child I may have spoken over these past several years. I truly love people and love to connect, but I find right now I am given space to connect to my little girl on a whole other platform with space and time.

I dropped off my babies with their wonderful father and their loving future step mom the other day. Because I had no dinners to go to last week, we made dinner every night at home. Jim, my love and my babes and I would have these beautiful dinners and dance parties. We had so much fun and let ourselves feel all the feels with that "rose, bloom, thorn" exercise I wrote about.

Throughout the days, we would experience the rollercoaster of human emotions.."spiritual gymnastics" as my ladies call it...tears of frustration from me and the babies, worry about our world and Mother Earth...and a lot of play, laughter, presence and healing. I stopped to listen to them: really listen. And I stopped trying to be perfect and rescue my children from their emotional waves.

We had no play date to rush to, no dance class, no school schedule...we just had time.

So when I dropped them off at their dad's, I felt this deep pain and exhaustion. I cried and cried in to the olive trees in my front yard, and let the Earth receive my watering tears. I took a shower and released the deep pain of my old guilt..not being the mother I may have wanted to be...

I accepted my pain and felt it: deeply felt it. Because I had "Time" to go back to my inner introvert and be with her. Feel melancholy, sadness, anger, shame and let it all go in to the water. A dear friend said about the virus: "This is nirvana for the introvert"...being perceived as an extrovert by so many the last several years of my life, I have been going back deep in to my introverted space.

A hummingbird just sat beside me (my spirit animal) as in the last decade I have found myself flying as fast backward as forward, anxious to get out my spitutual messages in a fabulous way so I could be understood by others in the fashion world or by "influencers." But now, I find myself ok in the Being. Whomever this may support, I am grateful, but I am in no need to make noise to be heard. I am, at this moment, genuinely happy listening to the beautiful sound of Silence. My children's laughter will come back. The birds will sing again, but for this moment my introvert is in Niravana, and I am listening to the wisdom of my little girl.

Yesterday Jim and I hiked for 7 miles...I felt it all up hill and I felt it all down hill too.

We found ourselves at the top of Knapp's Castle (a childhood sanctuary my mother called the Ruins)...There was a house being built on my old sacred space. A new castle..a new Reign and in "Ruins" it felt for me to ruin such a sacred old space. It made me feel sad all over again for the way we have taken over the land. My heart hurt. And it was one more thing to let go from my one can ruin those memories. Perhaps I hiked to new heights on the mountain of letting it all go on the way down. I came home, showered, made a beautiful slow cooked risotto...stirring the pot of my emotions and letting the broth absorb. I watched Jim make soup..also slowly, but surely healing for us both. We drank beautiful Italian wine and shared it all with so much love. Sadness for Italy..beautiful memories of being on that gorgeous land living in Italy when I was 19..and reflecting on Covid-19. Giving myself Time to slowly eat the slow cooked meal. Slowwwwwwing down. Actually my children and I watched a snail cross the sidewalk last week...just watched at a snail's pace that snail take his or her sweet time. No apologies.

So I am not apologizing for this space of introspection, quiet and healing.

I am so sad that the world is in pain. I am devastated it is taking people's lives.

But my prayer is in the Silence, when we stop to listen, we will find our Peace again.

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